Have you ever been in a situationship? There are many definitions of this term. The one i like The best is “It’s not exactly a relationship, just a situation you’re stuck in, where you’re both unhappy but you’re trying to find some way to make it work” -urban dictionary. I’m sure most of us have been here once before. I was in a “situationship” for a long time. The last 2 years I was with this guy it turned into a situationship. I tried making it work because we loved each other and I was afraid to be alone. I knew things with this guy wouldn’t get better,  but I stuck around anyway. I still had hope that things would turn around. We kept having the same arguments over and over again and nothing would change. I began to resent him. I blamed him for everything that went wrong in our relationship. He couldn’t even make me smile anymore. This post isn’t about him though. It’s about me. I had to realize my part in this situationship. I stuck around knowing I should’ve moved on a long time ago. By sticking around, I showed him that it was okay to treat me the way that he did.  I showed him that it was okay for me to put me last on his list. I had to really look at myself and come to the realization that I was just as guilty as him. This wasn’t the first time that this has happened to me(that’s a story for another time). As I found the strength to move on from that situationship, I realized that I suffer from abandonment issues. Growing up it was just my mom, my sister and me. I didnt have a real relationship with my father. This is not a diss against him but all of these unresolved issues that I have with him has affected my adulthood relationships. I stuck around in that situationship  because I  didnt want to feel the pain of another man leaving me. I allowed myself to be placed last on his list just to keep him around. I say all of this because us women  do more than we should in a relationship just to say you’re in one. Realize your worth. God made us beautiful and strong. Recognize when it’s time to move on. Don’t allow someone to put you last. If you’re not his main focus than move on. Life is too short to be stuck with someone that’s not making you happy.


To Weave or Not to Weave 

Is adding weave/extensions still considered natural hair? I struggled with the thought of adding extensions in my hair for my vacation. I haven’t had extensions in my hair in years and I thought if I added them in I would be a hypocrite. I did some research and was convinced that getting my braids with extensions is a form of protective styling. It’s so easy to maintain on this trip! I am happy with my decision and I no longer feel guilty for getting my extensions. I’m loving this temporary look and my natural hair is still healthy!

What’s your thoughts on this topic? 

The Beauty Aisle Vs The Ethnic Aisle 

Do you notice that when you go into certain stores to buy hair care products, the aisles are separated by the “beauty ailse” and the “ethnic ailse”? Why is that? Is my hair not considered to be beautiful? I believe that this is an overlooked form of segregation that needs to be addressed. Society is telling us, our sons and daughters that because you have kinkier hair or curlier hair, you have to shop in the ethnic aisle not the beauty aisle because your hair is not considered to be beautiful.  I loved what she’s moisture did last year with the “break the walls” campaign. They decided to put this issue out there for the world to see. Do you think it made a difference or bring awareness to the issue? I would love to see the day when I can go pick up my hair products from the “beauty” aisle.

Summer hairstyles 

Summer is quickly apporoaching us. You may think to yourself “what am I going to do to my hair?”. Well there’s plenty you can do to your hair. When I decided to stop adding heat to my hair, I had no idea what I was going to do to my hair during the summer months. I was afraid of frizziness and my hair sweating out. I asked around and some people suggest putting your hair up in a bun or other “updo” hairstyles. Twists or braids are also good protective hairstyles. Last year I decided to experiment with different styles. I tried doing wash n go’s, which was awesome for a quick on the go style(naturalistas by quick and on the go that means 45 minutes lol). I also did rod sets. My favorite style was the perm rod set. This style always lasted me 2 weeks before I had to redo it. As the days went on and the humidity grew, my curls turned to coils. I loved it! With this style I was able to pin it up, pin it to the side and wear it out when I wanted to. This was my favorite go to hairstyle last summer! The trick to making sure your perm rod set looks good is to make sure it’s completely dried before unraveling.
What’s your favorite summer hairstyles??

Perm rod set after the unravel
1 week later with the humidity
The curl transformation
The half updo!

Shampoo Vs Co-Wash

The debate over shampoo vs co-wash(conditioner only washing) is very common amongst the natural hair community. While I believe there are benefits to using both, there are many reasons to take in to consideration when using both shampoos and co-washes.

What is shampoo? Traditionally, Shampoo is generally made up of surfactant, sodium lauryl sulfate  or sodium laureth sulfate. The goal for shampoo is to remove build up in the hair without stripping out sebum. So what is sodium lauryl sulfate and sodium laureth sulfate? These are chemicals commonly found in shampoos and in other cleaning products. Sulfate acts as a foaming agent that is capable of removing build up in your hair. But is it good for your hair? the answer is no!. Sulfates irritate your hair. It strips away essential oils in your hair which could cause your hair to be dry and could possibly make your hair break off. Nowadays they have a lot of “sulfate free” and clarifying shampoos. These shampoos do not have a harsh affect on your hair and will not strip away your oils. Clarifying shampoos are good for removing build up from all of the products that you use such as gels, creams etc. If you use this shampoo, it is very important to follow up with a conditioner.

What is a Co-Wash? Co-wash is short for conditioner only wash. Co-Washing your hair means skipping the shampoo all together and solely relying on the conditioner to wash your hair. There is a debate going on saying that using a co-wash is the same as using fabric softener to wash your clothes instead of detergent. The results from using a co-wash makes your hair feel smooth and easier to manage, however, I do not believe that your hair will be squeaky clean.

Personally, I’ve stopped using shampoos as much in my hair. I typically use a shampoo maybe after every 2 to 3 co-washes. You can use a co-wash as a weekly cleanser in between your shampoos. I like to use a sulfate free clarifying shampoo because I like to make sure I remove all of the products in my hair. Here’s a secret, I am a product junkie! I haven’t seen any problems so far. My hair is healthy and it’s growing. Recently, I began using CURLS Blueberry bliss reparative hair wash. This is a cleanser and to me, this product seems like a cross between a co-wash and a shampoo. You just have to find the regiment that works for you.

Tell me what you think? Do you Co-wash or shampoo?

Is hair typing a form of segregation?

What is hair typing? hair typing is a system that helps point out what type of hair you have. There’s Type 3 hair (3a, 3b, 3c) and type 4 hair(4a, 4b, 4c). The type 3 hair had a looser/softer curl. Type 4 hair is more of a tighter curl or kinky hair as some would say. Personally, I don’t have a problem with hair typing. It actually helps me identify which products works best for me. The issue comes in when people try to use hair typing as another way to distinguish “good hair” vs “bad hair”. Some people try to say that 3a,b,c is good hair and 4a,b,c is not so good hair. To me it doesn’t matter which type of hair you have, as long as it’s healthy! Why do we always have to compare?

What do you think? Is hair typing another form of segregation in the black community? Is it helpful? or harmful?