Forgiveness

Why are we hurt by those close to us? Why do people turn their backs on us? Why do we feel hurt? Why is our hearts broken? I believe that God puts us through things to make us strong. I believe that our experiences help us to grow. We may not understand why He is doing it, but we have to have faith and understand that He has a plan for our lives. In difficult situations, we must ask ourselves, what lesson can I get from this? What is this teaching me? It’s okay to be sad and upset. These are our emotions. It’s better to go through these emotions and try not to mask them. Crying doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human. It’s okay to be confused. It’s so easy to blame the person that hurt you and take your frustrations out on them. You may want that person to feel just as bad as you. You have to understand that God places people in your life for a reason. Nobody crosses paths by accident. If someone does you wrong, do not seek revenge. We have to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior, forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart. Remember that you are beautiful, strong, intelligent and brave. You have so much to offer the world. Keep progressing and live your best life. The best is yet to come. You will be okay.

Situationships

Have you ever been in a situationship? There are many definitions of this term. The one i like The best is “It’s not exactly a relationship, just a situation you’re stuck in, where you’re both unhappy but you’re trying to find some way to make it work” -urban dictionary. I’m sure most of us have been here once before. I was in a “situationship” for a long time. The last 2 years I was with this guy it turned into a situationship. I tried making it work because we loved each other and I was afraid to be alone. I knew things with this guy wouldn’t get better,  but I stuck around anyway. I still had hope that things would turn around. We kept having the same arguments over and over again and nothing would change. I began to resent him. I blamed him for everything that went wrong in our relationship. He couldn’t even make me smile anymore. This post isn’t about him though. It’s about me. I had to realize my part in this situationship. I stuck around knowing I should’ve moved on a long time ago. By sticking around, I showed him that it was okay to treat me the way that he did.  I showed him that it was okay for me to put me last on his list. I had to really look at myself and come to the realization that I was just as guilty as him. This wasn’t the first time that this has happened to me(that’s a story for another time). As I found the strength to move on from that situationship, I realized that I suffer from abandonment issues. Growing up it was just my mom, my sister and me. I didnt have a real relationship with my father. This is not a diss against him but all of these unresolved issues that I have with him has affected my adulthood relationships. I stuck around in that situationship  because I  didnt want to feel the pain of another man leaving me. I allowed myself to be placed last on his list just to keep him around. I say all of this because us women  do more than we should in a relationship just to say you’re in one. Realize your worth. God made us beautiful and strong. Recognize when it’s time to move on. Don’t allow someone to put you last. If you’re not his main focus than move on. Life is too short to be stuck with someone that’s not making you happy.

 

Not Your Definition of Being Black

 

Ever since I was a little girl I was told that I acted “like a white girl”. I was told that because I acted and spoke a certain way I wasn’t “black”. Up until the 7th grade, I went to a predominately white school and lived in a predominately white neighborhood. My mom and I lived downtown in Philadelphia. I was surrounded by a lot of wealthy individuals who happened to be white. I was exposed to all types of music, fashion and different activities. Some of my favorite artist included Britney Spears, NSYNC and the spice girls. I remember wanting a pair of sketchers instead of Nike’s. One day, one of my Asian friends from school told me that she liked me because I didn’t act like a black girl. As a young child I didn’t understand why she would say that to me. Her comment bothered me but didn’t really bother me as much as the comments my family used to make. Being around my family as a child was bittersweet. I always looked forward to being around my family but a few family members would call me “white girl” or tell me that I was acting “white”. Those comments used to make me feel insecure. I loved being black. I loved my culture. So telling me I was acting white was insulting and confused me because i didn’t know you could act like a color.

When I got to the 7th grade I transferred to a predominately black school. I didn’t want people calling me a “white girl” or telling me that I acted white. I tried really hard to fit in. I remember trying to deepen my voice and play it “cool.” I began listening to more Power 99 and less Q102 just to fit in. I traded in my sketchers for some air forces. I thought by doing that it would help me to be more “black”. Boy was I wrong. I still was criticized by the way I spoke and acted. I was known as the “smart girl” that acted “white” because I spoke properly. My classmates called me the smart girl because I knew a lot of the lessons that were being taught because I learned them a year before from my prior school(Don’t even get me started on that topic) .

Let’s fast forward to my adult life. I have completely embraced my personality. For years I didn’t like the way I spoke and I always thought I was different. I wouldn’t speak around certain groups of people because I didn’t want to be judged or talked about. This year,  I  heard a few comments about my “blackness”. I was told that I wasn’t black because I didn’t eat watermelon or hot sauce and because of how I spoke. These comments came from both black and white people. I started to feel like that insecure little girl from back in the day.

So why do we associate speaking proper English, knowing the latest pop songs, knowing how to swim and being intelligent with “acting” white? As if black people aren’t allowed to do these things? Where did this come from? We live in a society that presents a stereotypical image of what it means to be black. When I fill out my ethnicity on paperwork I have to circle “Black/African American”. When  I look in the mirror I see a black woman. I go through the same struggles that black women  go through. I am me! and that’s all that I can be. No matter how I act or speak, I am still a proud black woman and nobody can take that away from me.

 

“Children can’t achieve unless we raise their expectations and turn off the television sets and eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is acting white” – Barack Obama

To Weave or Not to Weave 

Is adding weave/extensions still considered natural hair? I struggled with the thought of adding extensions in my hair for my vacation. I haven’t had extensions in my hair in years and I thought if I added them in I would be a hypocrite. I did some research and was convinced that getting my braids with extensions is a form of protective styling. It’s so easy to maintain on this trip! I am happy with my decision and I no longer feel guilty for getting my extensions. I’m loving this temporary look and my natural hair is still healthy!

What’s your thoughts on this topic? 

Protective styling while on vacation 

Currently, I am on vacation in Jamaica with my girls! #GirlsTrip I had no idea of what to do with my hair. When I came last year I wore a wash n go hairstyle everyday. That became a little strenous for me. I wanted to do something different this year. I finally decided to get long individuals with extensions in my hair. I struggled with the idea of getting this hairstyle because I haven’t added any extensions in my hair in years!! While on vacation I want to keep my hair moisturized and continue to keep it healthy with my extensions. I brought along some leave in conditioner, a cowash and some hair oil. I use these products on my hair each night after a long day of being in the pool, on the beach and in the sun. By doing this hair regiment each night, I am ensuring that my hair will stay healthy while I’m on my vacation!

The Beauty Aisle Vs The Ethnic Aisle 

Do you notice that when you go into certain stores to buy hair care products, the aisles are separated by the “beauty ailse” and the “ethnic ailse”? Why is that? Is my hair not considered to be beautiful? I believe that this is an overlooked form of segregation that needs to be addressed. Society is telling us, our sons and daughters that because you have kinkier hair or curlier hair, you have to shop in the ethnic aisle not the beauty aisle because your hair is not considered to be beautiful.  I loved what she’s moisture did last year with the “break the walls” campaign. They decided to put this issue out there for the world to see. Do you think it made a difference or bring awareness to the issue? I would love to see the day when I can go pick up my hair products from the “beauty” aisle.
Thoughts?